i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
