oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
