Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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