party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
