Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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