I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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