the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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