Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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