i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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