i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
