that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
