So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
