To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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