he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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