And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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