she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
