Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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