I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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