dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
