Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
