you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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