Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
