some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
