phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
