TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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