Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
