she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
