I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
