Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
