She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
