oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
