You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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