i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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