There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
love makes seman taste better
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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