my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
