Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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