Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
