I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
