dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
