I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
