i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
