I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
