If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
