I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
