those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
