Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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