how can u be prego again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
