i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
