it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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