You can't motorboat a personality
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
