haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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