Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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