Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
