you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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