Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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